Today I am strong because, of my mother. she came last night to be with me I felt her near as a binded one of my purple heart quilts, she loved them so much you know and she was proud of them.
Mom was there telling me i would be ok and she was there to help me threw my heart ache I did wake feeling much better then i have in weeks thank you mom...
Mom loved to sew as much as fishing. My kids and I were talking about the last few times we went with grandma and she just seemed to fade into the river and the sounds around us she seemed to be somewhere else. yes we noticed and I felt mom slipping away a few weeks before that day. but this day was a beautiful day she was with us and was truly having a great time. she made me promise her so many things and so far i have managed to keep them all. A PROMISE IS A PROMISE IN MY BOOK YOU DON'T EVER BREAK THEM NOT EVER!!!
I promised that I would make sure the boys were taken care of and that her needs were met to the fullest of what she asked. me to do. I got that all done. many other promises were to always love Kevin and to never leave him she loved Kevin ( my husband of 15 years) she loved how he treated her with the respect she deserved and in some ways she loved him more than she could ever say. as for the promises to my children i have kept them all and will continue to keep them those are more private and will keep them to myself. mom also made me promise that i would be as strong as i could and that one day we would be together again and that she loved me and was glad we spent and spend so much time together she told me how proud of me she was and how much she truely was happy for me and so glad i was here for her over these last few years.
From our conversation i knew in my heart mom was giving up but i did my best to try and keep her here i wasn't done having her in my life and neither was my kids and hubby.
in January of this year (2013) mom told me she was done and wanted to go be with her parents and she hated being a burden on the family i told her a million times over she could never be a burden that i loved to take care of her it was my job since she took care of me to adult hood she still hated it !!
It was then when I told Kevin MOM IS GOING TO LEAVE ME THIS YEAR !!! I CAN FEEL IT COMING !!! he said ya i think so too but i new more then think i KNEW in my HEART she was going to leave me leave us all. I held on so tightly maybe too tightly......
mom loved our walks and talks and our fishing days and especially our sewing days with her sister Saima we three were a crazy bunch we baked together and sewed and fished together...
These are the days i miss the most and will always miss... it just isn't the same with out her..... time will heal and my heart will one day heal too I just wish i had more time with my mom and i soooo totally understand her reasons for leaving us all the way she did and i respect her decision i just wish she would have given us a chance to say I love you and miss you and all that one more time!! what i wouldn't give to hear her voice and tell her just how much i love her how much we all love her....
So here I say MOM I LOVE YOU!!!!! I MISS YOU AND I UNDERSTAND!!!
IT IS HARD ON ME BUT I WILL GET THREW THIS PART OF LIFE AND I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER WHAT YOU TAUGHT ME AND TOLD ME MISS YOU SO VERY MUCH XOXOX JAN...( NETTA)
so in close remember to tell your mom how much you love her cause one day when your wakened from a nap you may find her gone as i did....... shocked and stunned missing her always netta
LOVE YOUR MOM TELL YOUR DAILY!!!!
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